A Bit of History

Hey guys. So God's rescued me in a huge way lately... from myself. And I've started engaging in life, not just getting by or making it through, but life to the fullest! God's been sharing alot with me, so I want to share it with you!

Well let me back up a bit and give you a little history. Two weekends ago, out of the blue, I got called up by a guy I'd never met who said he was praying and my name came up. He wanted to pay for me to come to this mens retreat on thetis island. So random... but I was at the point where one month earlier I'd reached a crossroads. I 'was my own' for about a year, and it led me to escaping and running away from the hurt and confusion in my soul. God's grace displayed through incredible friends, patient parents and full on miracles led me to this crossroads where I had some clarity in life. A friend sent me an e-mail that challenged me big time, and I decided to sign a contract and get rid of some stuff in my life that was distracting me and attempt to get right with God. Well this month was alright, nothing amazing, but then God came this weekend and just swept me away.

I realized that from a young age (my dad being a pastor...) I associated church with work, and this was a core part of my christian faith. So when I got involved with serving at church around 13, 14... It was all about duty, responsibility and me doing things to please God and fufill what (I thought) he was calling me too. I ended up living a pretty strict legalistic life (which i failed miserably at) and the enemy was on me like mice on cheese. Poor helpless cheese... haha. Long story short, I ran out of life to give and was left so confused, broken and hurting.

At this weekend, God showed me a glimpse of his grace and love that I had never seen before... despite hearing the words thousands and thousands of times, I just never really got it in my heart. I finally was beginning to understand this journey that Jesus wanted to walk with me on... daily coming to him humble... honest... and entering into the new creation that we are when we choose to live in his grace. I honestly felt like a new man. The identity that satan had twisted was built upon so many lies that didn't have an ounce of truth in them, and I had no strength to fight my temptations. It's totally a daily surrender... a daily commitment to holiness which is only possible through an understanding of what Gods grace really means for us. (which I in no way claim to have even the slightest grasp on!) I feel like a new christian all over again! (in some ways... haha)

The biggest thing God wanted from me... was me. Everything I was. He began by pointing out all sorts of different areas in my life that I was holding from him. Relationships. Music. Plans. Dreams. Areas in my heart. He's even challenging the way I think. (I'll get into more of that later) And I realized that unless I was willing to give God everything. (we say it so much...) But really, going into each day with an intention to glorify God in all that we do... He couldn't take me to the places he wants to take me (picture someone wanting to take you on a world cruise... but you won't let go of the x-box controller...) He wouldn't be able to give me this new life (because I was still holding on to the old) and that's now my daily prayer. That God you would continue to show me (down to the smallest thing!) stuff that I'm holding onto. And I think that this is a prayer we're going to be praying for the rest of our lives. But as we release the big stuff to God... it gives him a bit more space to start leading us into the little (but incredible) things he has for us, and eventually into places on that world cruise that we never knew existed.

Well there's a bit of what's been going on... I've got so much going on in my heart and my head, and as well as journalling, I'm looking forward to blogging to get my thoughts out. I hope these encourage you, strengthen you, and challenge you to live lives of relentless surrender to God's ultimate plan... redemption for humanity.